Still Here

Phone’s on loud but the silence persists Like a compass with no north lost in its lists Dishes pile takeout boxes on the floor Praying to a deity I can’t adore Scroll past weddings, new cars, promotions Stuck in old conflicts tallying old wounds Told my mom “I’m fine” with a laugh too forced Then wept on the drive home through a yellow light, of course I’m not surrendering not tonight Even when the world feels out of sight I’m Still Here, Still Here Even when the world’s not near I’m Still Here, Still Here Through the pain, the doubt, the fear I’m Still Here, Still Here And I’ll persevere for another year I’m Still Here, Still Here That’s the only thing I need to hear Therapist says “name the feeling, don’t run” But I deflect with a quip, say “I’m fine,” I’m just numb Walk past kids on a school bus ride Thinking damn they don’t even know what’s inside No accolade for just breathing no medal for tough I dispense grace like it’s currency enough But I judge myself harsher than my adversaries do Got a voice in my head that’s always on edge too I’m not surrendering not tonight Even when the world feels out of sight I’m Still Here, Still Here Even when the world’s not near I’m Still Here, Still Here Through the pain, the doubt, the fear I’m Still Here, Still Here And I’ll persevere for another year I’m Still Here, Still Here That’s the only thing I need to hear This is for the nights when the playlist knows Every single lyric every high every low When the shower feels safer than your own mind And the hardest person to forgive is the one inside Text “I’m okay” just to end the chat Stare at the ceiling thinking I hate that If you’re bargaining with morning just to make it through You’re not fractured, you’re human, there’s nothing wrong with you I’m Still Here, Still Here Even when the world’s not near I’m Still Here, Still Here Through the pain, the doubt, the fear I’m Still Here, Still Here And I’ll persevere for another year I’m Still Here, Still Here That’s the only thing I need to hear When the night says end it and your hands feel numb Remember every time you thought this is it and stayed till sun You’re not the voice that says disappear You’re the breath that answers back I’m Still Here